Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is not a major holiday for me.  The way I want to celebrate is to spend the day in the kitchen, cooking the ultimate comfort food for my family.  I want to hear football on the tv and smell the turkey in the oven.  And then we can eat.  That's it.  No huge family gathering, just the five of us on a quiet afternoon.  I achieved that goal this year.  The food was good and everyone was happy. 

I always take a moment to think about things to be thankful for.  This past year has been particularly tough, but I came through relatively unscathed and for that I am grateful. 

• Just over a year ago, we were flooded with over 3 feet of water in our basement.  I can't put a price tag on the losses because they had no monetary value.  We lost many books, which Mark and I loved.  Before we moved to Iowa we gave away all the books we didn't want and kept only our favorites.  Now they're gone too.  We also lost many, many keepsakes; things I had collected over the years that held so many memories.  Yearbooks, photographs, letters from old friends, special newspapers...things that I would take out periodically, get teary-eyed and nostalgic over.  The loss of those tangible reminders still makes me cry.  But I'm thankful for the lesson that material things are just that and nothing can steal the memories that I hold dearest.
  
• I lost my job just a few weeks before the flood.  Actually, I was fired, something that had never happened in all my years of working.  The firing came at the worst time as I was struggling with my son's downward spiral into mania.  The irony is that I was working for a church and it was the associate pastor who openly sabotaged my work.  It was my word against hers and although  the pastor knew the truth, he was too afraid of confrontation to do the "christian" thing.  I'm grateful that I was able to let go of my bitterness and anger and turn my efforts toward helping my family heal.  I've been blessed to be able to find joy in creating a comfortable home.
  
• We have been steadily losing income since moving to Iowa two years ago.  First it was losing my part-time income, then a reduction in child support when my oldest child turned 18.  Now were looking at losing the remainder of the child support in mid-December because my ex-husband lost his job and has no prospects for a new one.  All in all, our income has decreased by almost $2000.  But I'm grateful that I've learned to be very thrifty and that we'll be able to make it on a very small income.  We have a very clear realization that there is a blessing in having only necessities and buying only what we need.  I believe that material things can begin to own a person and that it's very easy to be seduced by "wants".
• I was able to make a trip to Virginia to visit my parents, but the visit was very bittersweet.  My once vibrant, intelligent father is debilitated by Alzheimer's all of us are heartbroken by the loss of his strong presence in our lives.  As sad as I am by losing my father not through death but by gradually slipping away, I had the joy of doing simple things with him that made him happy -  We went on a long drive through from Charlottesville to Waynesboro and enjoyed the beautiful view from an overlook we always liked.  We ate frozen custard.  We went to the lake near their home and just sat together and watched boats.  The smile on his face almost meant more than any words we could have exchanged.  I''m grateful that I could see my father for what might be the last time, but that he knew who I was.  I'm grateful that that I could give something back to him.
• On that same trip to Virginia, I was so blessed to have been able to spend a couple of days with my dearest friend.  We prowled through bookstores and galleries and ate ice cream.  We sat on my parents' porch, drank wine and talked...and talked.  For 39 years....39 years!!...we've been part of an improbable friendship and weathered many a storm.  I'm grateful for precious friends.  I've learned that two people can survive the most difficult circumstances and come through to the other side, stronger and more devoted to each other.  
• I'm grateful for the love my husband and I share.  It really is unconditional and worth the long time it took to finally have that in my life.

I've learned that there is a huge difference between joy and happiness.  .Happiness is dependent on external circumstance.  Joy is internal, a choice you make when you can find contentment in spite of circumstance.  This year has been joyful.